Just thought I'd share a poem I wrote in Spanish class. Leave comments please!!
Heartbeats earthquakes
Breathing shudder heartache
Clock ticks phone rings
Roll over creaking springs
Hollow answer bright reply
"It's not him," sighs inside
Dial tone phone down
Stop a sob hit the ground
Circle circle heartache
Reverberating earthquake
Rain falls thunder cries
All alone a heart dies
You know that feeling when you need someone so much, the phone rings, and it's not them. You come crashing back down to earth and the impact shatters you inside.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Stealing a meme again: Book meme.
Found this meme on Petula's blog. and I'm an addict with meme things, so I figured I'd post it.
The rules:
Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 56.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions.
Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book or the intellectual one: pick the
CLOSEST.
Tag five other people to do the same.
The book I grabbed was Feed by M.T. Anderson. I checked it out cuz of the awesome cover (yeah, yeah, I know "don't judge a book by it's cover" but does it count if it was only a first impression?) and I tore it apart today when I stayed home from school with a fever.
Anyway, I tag:
Aunty Joy
She's the only one I'm gonna bother tagging, cuz I'm not really connected with many other bloggers. But anyway, comment!! :^]
The rules:
Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 56.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions.
Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book or the intellectual one: pick the
CLOSEST.
Tag five other people to do the same.
The book I grabbed was Feed by M.T. Anderson. I checked it out cuz of the awesome cover (yeah, yeah, I know "don't judge a book by it's cover" but does it count if it was only a first impression?) and I tore it apart today when I stayed home from school with a fever.
He just kept shaking his head and going, "Yeah," "Yeah," "Yeah," "Oh, yeah," "Yeah," "Shit," "Yeah."Weirdly enough, that was a pretty important part of the book...
Finally, he stood up. I could tell he was pissed. He held up his hands. He said, "They want to subpoena your memories.
Anyway, I tag:
Aunty Joy
She's the only one I'm gonna bother tagging, cuz I'm not really connected with many other bloggers. But anyway, comment!! :^]
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Friday Fill-Ins....a bit late...
Got this from Friday Fill-Ins.
1. October is the BEST month, cuz it's fall and it's still warm enough to go outside and ride bikes.
2. Balloons scare me!
3. Leaves are falling all around, it's the best time of the year!!!
4. My favorite horror movie is Disturbia because Shia LaBeouf is in it, therfore it rocks.
5. Youth group retreats and crazy games with Dino = good memories.
6. It was a dark and stormy night when I got locked out of my house.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm(was) looking forward to babysitting Brendan and sleeping over Miriam's house, tomorrow my plans include KING RICHARD'S FAIRE!!!! :^] and Sunday, I want to sing sing sing, but I can't.....
Sorry it's a bit late guys....
1. October is the BEST month, cuz it's fall and it's still warm enough to go outside and ride bikes.
2. Balloons scare me!
3. Leaves are falling all around, it's the best time of the year!!!
4. My favorite horror movie is Disturbia because Shia LaBeouf is in it, therfore it rocks.
5. Youth group retreats and crazy games with Dino = good memories.
6. It was a dark and stormy night when I got locked out of my house.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm(was) looking forward to babysitting Brendan and sleeping over Miriam's house, tomorrow my plans include KING RICHARD'S FAIRE!!!! :^] and Sunday, I want to sing sing sing, but I can't.....
Sorry it's a bit late guys....
Monday, September 29, 2008
thrill-seeking squirrels, letting God lead, and a new blog format.
(First, I'm gonna explain this new format.I wanted to have a little background on my day before I start to write a post so you guys know a little bit where I'm coming from. Mostly, it's just gonna be a few things like....well, you'll see. New Format starts now.)
Listening to: Three Days Grace's self-titled album
Mood: Sarcastic, and I want to get things straightened out.
Wearing: The pajama pants mom made me and my sweatshirt.
Hair: Twisted back in a butterfly clip.
Color of socks: white
Why do I compare myself to a squirrel? I'm loud, kinda nutty(lol, pun..sorry), love climbing trees, and love testing myself. Not so much testing myself a-la-chicken, and laying in the road as long as I can in front of a car before running away, but I love to see how far I can push myself and my comfort zone. I'll sing a song in church even though it scares me a little bit. I'll talk to "him" about what's really on my mind. I'll put myself out there for everyone to see who I really am. I'll look people in the eyes. I'll stand back up after falling down and laugh at myself. Things like that.
My youth leader recently had amutual break up with her boyfriend of six or seven months. And she decided to talk about it a little bit with us during Bible study Sunday morning. She said that even though they broke up, she thought that she made the right choice in God's eyes because she was better after that relationship. And I never thought of it that way. I always thought that exes were thought of as mistakes in your past that would keep coming up at the wrong time, even after you were happily married. And sure, I guess that can happen sometimes if it was a bad decision, but nobody's perfect.
Anyway, I want to get back to what Steph was saying. She said that if you were even a little bit better for the relationship, then it was a good decision. The way I used to look at relationships was like they were never supposed to end. That if two people stop being friends, that it's the worst possible thing that could happen, and even that it's a sin. Now I look at relationships like I think they're supposed to be. Some will last forever, others will end, and others will change from friendship to something more, and vice versa. If you're awesome friends with someone through grade school and high school, but then you drift apart, then it was meant to be and it was part of God's Plan. If not, I've learned the hard way that God will hit you with the truth like a surround sound rock concert bass solo until your heart is pounding in time with it and it's all you can hear.
Back to the grade school friend: If you drift apart, and it's supposed to happen, then you've got these awesome stories from grade school and high school that you can tell your firends or kids without looking at that person as they are now. Maybe the best time for you and them to be friends was grade school and high school. That's when they had the biggest and best impact on your life.
Listening to: Three Days Grace's self-titled album
Mood: Sarcastic, and I want to get things straightened out.
Wearing: The pajama pants mom made me and my sweatshirt.
Hair: Twisted back in a butterfly clip.
Color of socks: white
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So, today I'm going to compare myself to a squirrel. Yeah, way to glorify yourself, Katy, right? But I've noticed something about those loud, annoying animals. While I was walking home from school today, I saw a squirrel run across the street. The thing about this squirrel was he didn't just run straight across like a normal animal. He ran into the middle of the left lane and stopped and just looked at the car driving towards him. Then he darted up to the yellow line, turned around, and ran back into the middle of the lane! Finally when the car was a few yards away, he darted the rest of the way across the street and up a tree.Why do I compare myself to a squirrel? I'm loud, kinda nutty(lol, pun..sorry), love climbing trees, and love testing myself. Not so much testing myself a-la-chicken, and laying in the road as long as I can in front of a car before running away, but I love to see how far I can push myself and my comfort zone. I'll sing a song in church even though it scares me a little bit. I'll talk to "him" about what's really on my mind. I'll put myself out there for everyone to see who I really am. I'll look people in the eyes. I'll stand back up after falling down and laugh at myself. Things like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I've learned over the past few weeks that I really can't control what goes on in my life. There's some stuff I've been dealing with that's just way over my head. But I'm not going there tonight. Right now I'm gonna talk about relationships. Over the last month or so I've learned a lot that I didn't know about what God uses relationships for.My youth leader recently had amutual break up with her boyfriend of six or seven months. And she decided to talk about it a little bit with us during Bible study Sunday morning. She said that even though they broke up, she thought that she made the right choice in God's eyes because she was better after that relationship. And I never thought of it that way. I always thought that exes were thought of as mistakes in your past that would keep coming up at the wrong time, even after you were happily married. And sure, I guess that can happen sometimes if it was a bad decision, but nobody's perfect.
Anyway, I want to get back to what Steph was saying. She said that if you were even a little bit better for the relationship, then it was a good decision. The way I used to look at relationships was like they were never supposed to end. That if two people stop being friends, that it's the worst possible thing that could happen, and even that it's a sin. Now I look at relationships like I think they're supposed to be. Some will last forever, others will end, and others will change from friendship to something more, and vice versa. If you're awesome friends with someone through grade school and high school, but then you drift apart, then it was meant to be and it was part of God's Plan. If not, I've learned the hard way that God will hit you with the truth like a surround sound rock concert bass solo until your heart is pounding in time with it and it's all you can hear.
Back to the grade school friend: If you drift apart, and it's supposed to happen, then you've got these awesome stories from grade school and high school that you can tell your firends or kids without looking at that person as they are now. Maybe the best time for you and them to be friends was grade school and high school. That's when they had the biggest and best impact on your life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So there's my little insights on how I'm like a squirrel, and how God wants us to deal with relationships.
to start off: being a blog stalker.
found this meme on a blog that i'm watching: It's a woman's world! and i absolutely LOVE(!!!) meme's so i stole it, even though i didn't get nominated to do it. so bear with me.
As a recipient of this award, there are rules to follow: Answer the following questions with one word answers and one word only! Then pass it on to five others! The questions are as follows:
1. Where is your cell phone? Upstairs
2. Where is your significant other? um...
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Loud
5. Your father? Tired
6. Your favorite thing? Friends
7. Your dream last night? Driving
8. Your dream/goal? Diner
9. The room you’re in? Basement
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Solitude
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Maine
13. Where were you last night? CrossCulture
14. What you’re not? Tall
15. One of your wish-list items? MacBook
16. Where you grew up? Massachusetts
17. The last thing you did? Walk
18. What are you wearing? Turtleneck
19. Your TV? Massive
20. Your pet? Einstein
21. Your computer? Slow...
22. Your mood? Resigned
23. Missing someone? Yes.
24. Your car? None
25. Something you’re not wearing? Dagger
26. Favorite store? PacSun
27. Your summer? Awesome
28. Love someone? *shrug*
29. Your favorite color? Rainbow
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Friday
The five bloggers that I’m nominating:
Now, for you recipients of this award, here’s the deal:
* Display your award.
* Link back to the person who gave you the award.
* Nominate at least 5 other blogs.
* Put links to those blogs on yours.
* Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated.
* Enjoy your award!
As a recipient of this award, there are rules to follow: Answer the following questions with one word answers and one word only! Then pass it on to five others! The questions are as follows:
1. Where is your cell phone? Upstairs
2. Where is your significant other? um...
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Loud
5. Your father? Tired
6. Your favorite thing? Friends
7. Your dream last night? Driving
8. Your dream/goal? Diner
9. The room you’re in? Basement
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Solitude
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Maine
13. Where were you last night? CrossCulture
14. What you’re not? Tall
15. One of your wish-list items? MacBook
16. Where you grew up? Massachusetts
17. The last thing you did? Walk
18. What are you wearing? Turtleneck
19. Your TV? Massive
20. Your pet? Einstein
21. Your computer? Slow...
22. Your mood? Resigned
23. Missing someone? Yes.
24. Your car? None
25. Something you’re not wearing? Dagger
26. Favorite store? PacSun
27. Your summer? Awesome
28. Love someone? *shrug*
29. Your favorite color? Rainbow
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Friday
The five bloggers that I’m nominating:
- Aunty Joy
- John S. Allen
- Aunty's friend Elsa whose blog I love.
- Aunty's other friend Julie cuz her food blog is amazing!
- and Maximum Ride! =D
Now, for you recipients of this award, here’s the deal:
* Display your award.
* Link back to the person who gave you the award.
* Nominate at least 5 other blogs.
* Put links to those blogs on yours.
* Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated.
* Enjoy your award!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Friday Fill-Ins (oops)
From Friday Fill-Ins. Accidentally did the wrong week, but I don't want to delete the last one, so here's set number two!! :^]
1. Apple picking, fall smells, walks in the woods, the leaves changing, sweatshirts, tall socks, King Richard's Faire, campfires, s'mores, smiles, and the senior high retreat!! are some of the things I'm most looking forward to in October.
2. Sometimes I pretend to think like someone else so I can try and figure out what they're thinking, just by the expression on their face.
3. There are people in life who try and fail, and that's that, and then there are people who try and fail and try and fail and try and fail until they succeed... and that's why there is a saying, "never say never"!
4. When I'm down, I talk to my friends about it, listen to music, write poems, and go for walks or bike rides.
5. Wherever you need me is where you'll find me most often.
6. A rainy day is good for s'mores over the stove, running in the rain with your head back and your mouth wide open til you're soaked all the way through, and bundling up in the warmest sweats you can find, with two pairs of socks and a blanket tucked around you, sitting on the porch with your sister and listening to the rain fall down.
1. Apple picking, fall smells, walks in the woods, the leaves changing, sweatshirts, tall socks, King Richard's Faire, campfires, s'mores, smiles, and the senior high retreat!! are some of the things I'm most looking forward to in October.
2. Sometimes I pretend to think like someone else so I can try and figure out what they're thinking, just by the expression on their face.
3. There are people in life who try and fail, and that's that, and then there are people who try and fail and try and fail and try and fail until they succeed... and that's why there is a saying, "never say never"!
4. When I'm down, I talk to my friends about it, listen to music, write poems, and go for walks or bike rides.
5. Wherever you need me is where you'll find me most often.
6. A rainy day is good for s'mores over the stove, running in the rain with your head back and your mouth wide open til you're soaked all the way through, and bundling up in the warmest sweats you can find, with two pairs of socks and a blanket tucked around you, sitting on the porch with your sister and listening to the rain fall down.
Friday Fill-Ins
From Friday Fill-Ins. Got this lovely idea from my blogging obsessed Auntie.
1. Oh, I can't wait until I have a license and a car so I can escape for a bit every now and then.
2. Soymilk, Abby and Bekah's lunches, leftovers, and nectarines are the first thing I see when I open my refrigerator and that's only the top shelf....
3. I never leave home without my cellphone, iPod, and whatever cash I have.
4. If I were a condiment, I would be chocolate sauce because I love ice cream and chocolate.
5. Snobbery and being fake is really high up on my list of pet peeves.
6. The last thing I thought of before I went to bed was a few of my friends who are going through a massively hard time right now.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to watching the new episode of True Blood on the DVR, eating ice cream, and taking my strep meds; tomorrow my plans include Mark's baptism, an english project on vikings, and lots of make-up work and sleep; and Sunday, I want to finally be able to hang out with my friends, be better, and sing at Cross Culture (hopefully Dave To will come this week)!
1. Oh, I can't wait until I have a license and a car so I can escape for a bit every now and then.
2. Soymilk, Abby and Bekah's lunches, leftovers, and nectarines are the first thing I see when I open my refrigerator and that's only the top shelf....
3. I never leave home without my cellphone, iPod, and whatever cash I have.
4. If I were a condiment, I would be chocolate sauce because I love ice cream and chocolate.
5. Snobbery and being fake is really high up on my list of pet peeves.
6. The last thing I thought of before I went to bed was a few of my friends who are going through a massively hard time right now.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to watching the new episode of True Blood on the DVR, eating ice cream, and taking my strep meds; tomorrow my plans include Mark's baptism, an english project on vikings, and lots of make-up work and sleep; and Sunday, I want to finally be able to hang out with my friends, be better, and sing at Cross Culture (hopefully Dave To will come this week)!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
"Happiness Runs In A Circular Motion"
Does that mean I have to run in circles when I'm happy? I'm not exactly sure... But aside from Spaghetti-O's, i really think it's true. So here's my list of circular things just to prove that happiness really does run in a circular motion.
- Cheerios (I mean, who can get mad when they see Cheerios? Only a lunatic could see those cute little whole-grain, honey-covered circles of goodness and flip out.)
- Life Preservers (What drowning person doesn't get a sense of relief and joy when they see one of those hideous, brightly-colored plastic circles come flying over the side of a ship? Only a lunatic.)
- Life-Savers (As in the candy, very different from *above* in so many ways. First off, they taste a heck of a lot better than plastic-and I'm talking about the Life Preservers here, not Cheerios.)
- Irises (the eye-iris, not the flower. I'm personally a HUGE eye fan. If someone has good eyes, I just about die on spot. Especially guys! Hazel are cool, but I really like grey eyes.)
- Soccer Balls (Because who doesn't enjoy kicking something with all their might, right into the face of the opposing team? Or playing soccer in the mud and rain in the middle of a summer storm.)
- Apples and Oranges (Fruity goodness. What can I say?)
- Tires!!! (Because driving makes me happy and bike riding is awesome. So's tubing, but only when you have a tube.)
Wishlist!
Birthday's August 8th!!! 08-08-08 this year!!! I've got a few things on my wishlist, but they're pretty expensive and I feel bad about that, but they were all I could think of.
- Bella's Bracelet from Eclipse
- Twilight
- New Moon
- Eclipse
- iPod classic (30 gig or more)
- Lunch at the Cheesecake Factory
- Clothes--though it's cooler to go shopping than have someone hand me some clothes (Pac Sun, Wet Seal, Free People, Lucky Brand Jeans, Hot Topic, etc.)
- Dunkin Donuts Card! (I'm always up for my coffee fix)
- Dinner and a movie
- A promise to take me to Twilight when it comes out in theaters!!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Trouble.
First off, I suck at keeping up with this blog. But lately there's just not been stuff to write about.... Well, actually there HAS been stuff to write about, just not time to write it. So I apologize, to anyone who reads my blog (those few and far between), because I am a faliure. (Failure*) See, I can't even spell fail right.
I'm going to try and explain a decision I made this past Crosswalk. The 12th of July I broke up with my boyfriend. He didn't do anything wrong. He was very sweet. And he tried so hard to understand why I said I had to, but I don't think he understood.
Rob had preached about sex and dating that...Thursday...I think. And what he said stuck with me. He said that he personally didn't believe in seriously dating someone until you think you're ready to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I had honestly never thought of it that way. I mean, I knew that dating is meant to help you find "The One," or whatever it is, I just had never thought of it as the only reason for seriously dating someone.
I heard stories from Quest kids who had gone to the Dominican, and from Emanuel the previous YEC that down there, a boyfriend is almost the same thing as a fiancé, just a baby step down from it. At the time I had just said to myself "well that's their culture, this is mine" and left it at that. But After Rob's sermon, it started to stick with me. Maybe having a boyfriend is like pretending that I'm looking for a husband when I am so OBVIOUSLY not ready. I have had two boyfriends total in my entire life. It's a pretty tiny number for me to be so worried about becoming "that girl" who just goes out with guys for a week and then breaks up with them.
The first guy was one of my best friends. He was cute, so I mistook my crush for something more and we started going out. We went out for a month and then he gave me my first kiss...and it was NOT what I was looking for. Have you ever had the creepy feeling of kissing your sibling? Well that's what it was like. I told him that I wanted to go back to being friends and he said, "Okay." and that was that. He just let me go. It took about a month and a half for us to be able to have a comfortable conversation again, but now we're fine. I broke up with him in early December and just this past weekend I invited him over for the first time since we broke up to hang out and watch TV with me and two other friends. There wasn't a trace of awkwardness at all and it was just how it was supposed to be.
The second guy I think was a sort of rebound boyfriend. Not from the first guy, just...something else complicated that I won't get into. He's a member of my youth group, like the first one, and he liked me. We started flirting because someone had told me that he liked me, and I again thought he was cute. Talk about repeating history. We flirted and flirted and then ended up going out. This relationship was a lot shorter. Two weeks. The day he asked me out was the day he said he loved me. And I know it wasn't love, it couldn't have happened that fast. But again I went along with it and it was great while it lasted. But there was still something in the way and I didn't know what it was.
Then I went to Crosswalk. And Thursday night I "figured out" that it was that I just didn't need to have a boyfriend. So I broke up with him and explained as best as I could that "this was what God wanted me to do", and I'm not sure if I lied or not. I might have been wanting it to be what God wanted me to do, but now I'm pretty sure it was just me hiding behind God so that I couldn't get in trouble.
The truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of getting attached to someone. I'm scared that I'll fall in love with the wrong person and "miss my chance". I'm scared that I'll act too soon or too late and ruin any chance I have with the one right guy...
But I prayed (like mad, I might add) last night about it and asked God to just let me stop liking this guy if it could only hurt me. I told him to take away the butterflies when I see him and the crazy heart-racing feeling I get when I catch his eye. Today they were still there and I can't figure out if it's still me, holding on to this guy so hard, or if it's God, letting me know that he's not a bad thing for me. So right now I'm really confused, and I don't know what to do. Do I wait it out, do I do something, do I take a step back and avoid him? I don't know.
I'm going to try and explain a decision I made this past Crosswalk. The 12th of July I broke up with my boyfriend. He didn't do anything wrong. He was very sweet. And he tried so hard to understand why I said I had to, but I don't think he understood.
Rob had preached about sex and dating that...Thursday...I think. And what he said stuck with me. He said that he personally didn't believe in seriously dating someone until you think you're ready to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I had honestly never thought of it that way. I mean, I knew that dating is meant to help you find "The One," or whatever it is, I just had never thought of it as the only reason for seriously dating someone.
I heard stories from Quest kids who had gone to the Dominican, and from Emanuel the previous YEC that down there, a boyfriend is almost the same thing as a fiancé, just a baby step down from it. At the time I had just said to myself "well that's their culture, this is mine" and left it at that. But After Rob's sermon, it started to stick with me. Maybe having a boyfriend is like pretending that I'm looking for a husband when I am so OBVIOUSLY not ready. I have had two boyfriends total in my entire life. It's a pretty tiny number for me to be so worried about becoming "that girl" who just goes out with guys for a week and then breaks up with them.
The first guy was one of my best friends. He was cute, so I mistook my crush for something more and we started going out. We went out for a month and then he gave me my first kiss...and it was NOT what I was looking for. Have you ever had the creepy feeling of kissing your sibling? Well that's what it was like. I told him that I wanted to go back to being friends and he said, "Okay." and that was that. He just let me go. It took about a month and a half for us to be able to have a comfortable conversation again, but now we're fine. I broke up with him in early December and just this past weekend I invited him over for the first time since we broke up to hang out and watch TV with me and two other friends. There wasn't a trace of awkwardness at all and it was just how it was supposed to be.
The second guy I think was a sort of rebound boyfriend. Not from the first guy, just...something else complicated that I won't get into. He's a member of my youth group, like the first one, and he liked me. We started flirting because someone had told me that he liked me, and I again thought he was cute. Talk about repeating history. We flirted and flirted and then ended up going out. This relationship was a lot shorter. Two weeks. The day he asked me out was the day he said he loved me. And I know it wasn't love, it couldn't have happened that fast. But again I went along with it and it was great while it lasted. But there was still something in the way and I didn't know what it was.
Then I went to Crosswalk. And Thursday night I "figured out" that it was that I just didn't need to have a boyfriend. So I broke up with him and explained as best as I could that "this was what God wanted me to do", and I'm not sure if I lied or not. I might have been wanting it to be what God wanted me to do, but now I'm pretty sure it was just me hiding behind God so that I couldn't get in trouble.
The truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of getting attached to someone. I'm scared that I'll fall in love with the wrong person and "miss my chance". I'm scared that I'll act too soon or too late and ruin any chance I have with the one right guy...
But I prayed (like mad, I might add) last night about it and asked God to just let me stop liking this guy if it could only hurt me. I told him to take away the butterflies when I see him and the crazy heart-racing feeling I get when I catch his eye. Today they were still there and I can't figure out if it's still me, holding on to this guy so hard, or if it's God, letting me know that he's not a bad thing for me. So right now I'm really confused, and I don't know what to do. Do I wait it out, do I do something, do I take a step back and avoid him? I don't know.
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