A-Z for Aunty

Aunty Joy said this would be fun
Because she did it in her therapy
Class, and she liked it a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I mean I'm trying and
Everything, but I'm not so sure I can do it...
Fuck... (I wrote that for her! :P)
Goodness, I'm dead if Mom reads this...
Ha ha, but Aunty will like it!
I hope...
Just kidding, I know she'll laugh because
Katy is Krazy, right?
Laugh out loud, except not, because I'm in Spanish and I'm sure
My teacher wouldn't appreciate the interruption.
Not many teachers like it when you laugh
Openly in their class. Of course, in
Photography, Mrs. Durso is
Quite nice, so I don't think she'd mind much...
Really, you know, I don't think we should have double periods. They're
Stupid. All we do is sit and
Talk for an hour and a half. And it makes me want to slide
Under the desk
Very slowly...and fall asleep. But
When the bell rings, I...dammit...Where does 'X' fit in this?
X... I run out if the room and
Yell happy things in my head as I make my way to history to talk about
Zoot suits and racial equality and the atomic bomb.

people are people and i am a people

So recently, I've been thinking a lot about how people relate to other people. More specifically, how I relate to other people. I decided a while ago that my motto was going to be "Be Real". I even wrote it on my hand every single day to remind myself. I stuck to it for a while but for a few months, I haven't really been living by that motto I thought so much about. And I started thinking a lot about it a few days ago, and I saw how far from my original plan and idea i had strayed. So I've been thinking a lot about it, and I think I need to keep thinking about it so that I don't forget again. But here's the basic idea of it:

MC (10:55:50 PM): what are you thinking

Kate (10:57:22 PM): reminding myself to keep reminding myself to be real with people

MC (10:57:37 PM): :)

Kate (10:57:47 PM): that i can't just fake it cuz i'm tired. i have to be real, even when i really don't feel like putting the effort in

Kate (10:58:03 PM): that was a philosophy of mine that kinda went down the drain for a while

Kate (10:58:57 PM): but recently i've been paying more attention and remembering that the people around me have real issues and fears and joys and i want to be more a part of that.

Kate (10:59:48 PM): i want to be excited with my english teacher because her son's in the school play at ALCS and i am, kinda. i'm glad that she's happy and it's like a ripple effect

Kate (10:59:58 PM): i want to value people more

Kate (11:00:05 PM): even the people i don't like that much

Kate (11:00:56 PM): i want them to be important to me because in the long run, they're a part of me, and they ARE important because some of them could change the world, ALL of them could change something for the better and i want to be a part of that

MC (11:02:21 PM): sweet

Kate (11:02:49 PM): i'm beginning to see a whole lot more how people affect the people around them. like i've been talking a lot more with my spanish teacher about how tough it is for her because my class is full of rude kids, and i bought her markers a few weeks ago because her old set was dying and she got SO excited. and it reminded me of that movie "Pay it Forward"

Kate (11:02:55 PM): have you ever seen it?

MC (11:04:43 PM): i dont remember it completely

Kate (11:04:46 PM): i loved it so much. like that liberty tree mutual commercial (or whatever it is) where the guy picks up the toy for a kid and then the woman helps someone out and someone sees it and then they help someone else. little random acts of kindness

Kate (11:04:52 PM): like pass it on

Kate (11:05:06 PM): and it makes me feel so...connected with people

Kate (11:05:12 PM): and i think that's a good thing

Kate (11:05:27 PM): a really good thing because then i keep from getting too absorbed with myself

Kate (11:06:34 PM): i like imagining what people are thinking while they're driving on the street and walking through the grocery store, or even talking with someone.

Kate (11:08:36 PM): it makes me remember that they have these deep feelings and complex thought processes and they're probably thinking about this cat they saw the other day while they're having this conversation with someone, and at the same time they're thinking about their brother in the hospital and their daughter who just got an A on her project and how they're going to surprise their husband/wife when they get home with dinner made and the table set and the house clean

Kate (11:09:21 PM): little things that just stick in your head, sometimes i forget that other people are doing that too, thinking about seven different things at once, but not dwelling on them.

MC (11:11:00 PM): yeah

Kate (11:11:00 PM): i don't know. i really like that people will do something just to make someone else really happy. like when dad asks us to help him clean the house and make dinner so that when mom comes home she can just sit down and we can have a family dinner, or when i gave srta. lynch those markers, or when abby made me fudge today because she ate my brownie and i was really upset.

Kate (11:11:15 PM): like, they didn't have to do it, but they did it just to make someone smile

Kate (11:11:19 PM): i LOVE that about people

MC (11:11:47 PM): yeah..

Kate (11:11:50 PM): haha sorry

Kate (11:11:57 PM): stream of consciousness lol

MC (11:12:03 PM): doing back is twice as good as receiving it

MC (11:12:06 PM): its kool

Kate (11:12:13 PM): yeah

Kate (11:12:50 PM): like playing othello with abby yesterday. we had fun and we gave each other a hard time about it, but i could still tell she was happy

Kate (11:13:20 PM): i love it when people smile. it just feels like whatever just happened was totally worth it

Kate (11:13:42 PM): and it's not like it's difficult either

Kate (11:14:20 PM): it's so easy to pay it forward but most of the time, people just don't feel like it.

Kate (11:14:54 PM): most of the time i don't feel like it either, but that's what i'm working on

MC (11:15:23 PM): mm

Kate (11:15:21 PM): i'm working on caring and trying and going a little extra for people

MC (11:15:31 PM): good

Kate (11:15:36 PM): yeah

So that was my conversation, or.... well..., monologue. But I had to write it down. Type it out, whatever. And that's how I feel. That's what I believe. Who else feels the same way?

Writer's Block!

I hate writer's block.
I have writer's block.
It sucks.

I texted myself a poem today and i guess I'll post it. Even though since I have writer's block (did I mention i hate writer's block?), it sucks.

I climb trees and pretend to be a bird so I can fly.
I want to fly higher than any angel in God's army
So I can see your born again face.
Days like these remind me of when you told me to look to the skies
They hold more than just clouds and stars and birds.
You said that God could see us from the sky.
"Never stop looking up." you told me.
So on days like these when the sun shines through the snow clouds
And the whole sky glows like white fire
I look up.