comments really help us starving, socially-inept writers out here!! readers help too......
:(
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
All about me
A headbanger? Freak? Nerd? Jock? Prep? "Smart kid"? Invisible? Popular? Goth? Nobody? Stereotypical?
I don't know, and I'm not the one to give myself a label, because that's not fair. After all, it's what other people think of me that counts in a label, right? (Not to be mistaken that any of that crap matters to me.)
So here it is, I'll give it to you straight:
I don't know, and I'm not the one to give myself a label, because that's not fair. After all, it's what other people think of me that counts in a label, right? (Not to be mistaken that any of that crap matters to me.)
So here it is, I'll give it to you straight:
- The most important thing in my life right now (after God) is my friends and family. I'd take a bullet for any of them, and if they asked me to, I'd follow them to the grave. (Hey, I know where I'm going.)
- My hair grows too fast, sometimes I like it. Sometimes I don't.
- I'm one of those people who will drink coffee, be tired all day, and then blame random spurts of psycho on it three days later.
- I eat my Thanksgiving dinner all mushed together. (turkey, mashed potatoes, beets, squash, turnips, sweet potatoes, peas, corn, and cranberry sauce)
- I read for fun, but I skim for school.
- History is my favorite class, but English is my favorite subject.
- Sometimes I'll forget to brush my hair and nobody can tell the difference.
- I either wear clothes that fit, but don't match; or I'll wear clothes that match, but don't fit.
- I'm clothing challenged, but spending satisfactory.
- I love to write poetry, stories, songs, anything I can communicate in letters, numbers, and punctuation.
- That might be why I like practicing algebra so much.
- Chocolate over vanilla.
- Vanilla over kahlua. ;)
- I'd rather spend a week in school than a day in jail, but I'd rather spend a week in jail than a day in college. (Not that I really have a choice)
- I ace school, but I fail with a social life.
- I like to think, especially if it's to prove someone else wrong!! :D (just kidding)
- I have a love-hate relationship with my ability to see both sides of an argument. (hate being when it's my argument, and I'm losing.)
- I love to sing and show off, but I don't know how to accept compliments on my voice. (it's only mediocre anyway)
- I love writing, but I don't know how to deal with criticism from some people.
- I hate when things come out of my mouth the wrong way, and I hate it when it's true, just not eloquent.
- I love it when I can make someone smile when they're having a bad day, and I hate it when someone else can't make me smile, just cuz I'm being a jerk.
- I hate it when people think I'll be insulted by something they say about me, so they don't say it, no matter how true it is.
- I hate it when people pretend to be my friends.
- I love the middle of fall, when the air is smoky-sharp, and the wind is howling through the tops of the trees, and I can still keep my window open to hear it.
- I love sparring. Actually, I like hitting anything, really.
- I'm afraid of going numb.
- I'm afraid of losing my best friends.
- My favorite color? Orange, black, white, or deep red.
So does that define me? Is that the girl I see in the mirror every morning? Or is the girl in the mirror just a cover up, a fancy title to a badly written book.
Emo today.
Katy
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Suppository Writing
The day before Thanksgiving!!!! I'm so excited about tomorrow, especially since I only have to be in school for another hour. A pep rally's coming up and I'll give you the good details if there are any... I'm not much for screaming classmates all squished up into the bleachers so tight that the only thing you can smell is sweat and whatever the person next to you had for breakfast, and maybe even dinner from last night.
BUT... on another note, I'll give you all the update on my current relationship status:
NO LONGER SINGLE
I've had a boyfriend for a bit longer than a month already, but I just haven't had the time to write about it. Now though, sitting in writing class with nothing but my blog to write, I've got time, and plenty of it. Heck, maybe if I squish myself under the table, they won't even make me go to the pep rally.
So, the boyfriend. He's one of my best friends-Brad to be exact-and it was so unexpected. (I don't know exactly who reads this, since it's open to everyone, so no last names.) We were talking online and he asked who I liked because his wonderfully stupid brother had hollered to him that I liked him. So I beat around the bush and I narrowed it down. Then he said he liked me, and I told him I liked him too and we started dating. It's still really awkward sometimes, but it's so nice.
My dad has a job again! He's working second shift, so I only really get to see him on the weekends when he has them off, but he really likes his job.
I sing in the CrossCulture band every other Sunday and I'm really starting to like it. I used to be shy about singing in front of people, but being in the bnad has helped with my stupid stage fright; the help is desperately needed too, since I'm singing with Brad, Sean, and Anastasia at the "Hanging of the Greens" service at church on Sunday. *nervous*
Comment Please!!!!
Katy
BUT... on another note, I'll give you all the update on my current relationship status:
NO LONGER SINGLE
I've had a boyfriend for a bit longer than a month already, but I just haven't had the time to write about it. Now though, sitting in writing class with nothing but my blog to write, I've got time, and plenty of it. Heck, maybe if I squish myself under the table, they won't even make me go to the pep rally.
So, the boyfriend. He's one of my best friends-Brad to be exact-and it was so unexpected. (I don't know exactly who reads this, since it's open to everyone, so no last names.) We were talking online and he asked who I liked because his wonderfully stupid brother had hollered to him that I liked him. So I beat around the bush and I narrowed it down. Then he said he liked me, and I told him I liked him too and we started dating. It's still really awkward sometimes, but it's so nice.
My dad has a job again! He's working second shift, so I only really get to see him on the weekends when he has them off, but he really likes his job.
I sing in the CrossCulture band every other Sunday and I'm really starting to like it. I used to be shy about singing in front of people, but being in the bnad has helped with my stupid stage fright; the help is desperately needed too, since I'm singing with Brad, Sean, and Anastasia at the "Hanging of the Greens" service at church on Sunday. *nervous*
Comment Please!!!!
Katy
Monday, November 19, 2007
this is my: FAULT LINE
You don't have to read this, but please, please pretend you did and just give me some advice, or even sympathy. No, forget sympathy. I want honesty, please.
Ugh..... no kidding, I'm strange, and I'm starting to not like it. Do you ever get that sucky feeling that everyone's lying to you, and that you really DO annoy them, but they're just trying not to hurt your feelings? But it's hurting more not to hear the truth than to be ignorant about what's really going on? And then you start hating yourself cuz you want to just be DIFFERENT and be someone else for a change, cuz their life seems so much better and easier? But then you think of all the little things that aren't all that great, and you decide that you don't REALLY want to switch lives with THAT person? But then you start to feel guilty because you DON'T want to switch lives with them?
And then you're so confused and messed up that you just want to go crawl under a rock where there's no sound and no one can find you, and you can just be alone in the silence. But then I start thinking of how cool it would be to be deaf, but that I can only say that because I can hear, and if I really was deaf, that I wouldn't like it, and then I start to feel guilty that I would even think that it would be cool to be deaf.
And I want these different things to happen so bad, because then I know my life will change or get better or just have something DIFFERENT happen, so that I'm not going CRAZY here, doing the same thing every day!
And have you ever felt like you had this pent up scream, and you just want to let it out and be as loud as you want until your ears are ringing and you can't see straight? And then just to be able to crumple up into a ball and cry your eyes out because your life is so screwed up, and you know you can never fix it, or have things the way you want them, even for a little while? So you just bawl your eyes out until you're hoarse and so tired. Or to punch something until your knuckles bleed?
Have you ever wanted someone you could beat up, who wouldn't get hurt, and who would just let you hit them until you were finished and then they'd hold you and hug you until you stopped crying, and they would protect you from ever having to feel that way again. I mean, I know God's there, and that he does all that, but I can't help but want someone tangible. Is that bad?
And sometimes I wish this whole thing with him (if you know, you know) had never happened, cuz it's too stressful, but I like it, and I feel so guilty about this whole thing (nothing sketchy went down, so don't get the wrong idea), but I don't know why and I can't help but think what if none of this had happened, would we both be better off? Everything was so much easier before, even if I liked him, I didn't NEED to tell him, to tell ANYBODY. And now it's just so hard and weird, but still worth it. I just feel like I betrayed someone close to me.
Me and my dad fight and argue, but then the next time we see each other, we just pretend nothing happened.
I'm so scared of everything falling apart, and I'm barely holding myself together, but I feel like I'm being torn into shreds and I don't know how much longer I'll last. I'm shutting down, because that's what I do when I'm stressed and I just wish someone would hit me so I could feel something again. Wow, talk about a load of venting.... sorry.
Ugh..... no kidding, I'm strange, and I'm starting to not like it. Do you ever get that sucky feeling that everyone's lying to you, and that you really DO annoy them, but they're just trying not to hurt your feelings? But it's hurting more not to hear the truth than to be ignorant about what's really going on? And then you start hating yourself cuz you want to just be DIFFERENT and be someone else for a change, cuz their life seems so much better and easier? But then you think of all the little things that aren't all that great, and you decide that you don't REALLY want to switch lives with THAT person? But then you start to feel guilty because you DON'T want to switch lives with them?
And then you're so confused and messed up that you just want to go crawl under a rock where there's no sound and no one can find you, and you can just be alone in the silence. But then I start thinking of how cool it would be to be deaf, but that I can only say that because I can hear, and if I really was deaf, that I wouldn't like it, and then I start to feel guilty that I would even think that it would be cool to be deaf.
And I want these different things to happen so bad, because then I know my life will change or get better or just have something DIFFERENT happen, so that I'm not going CRAZY here, doing the same thing every day!
And have you ever felt like you had this pent up scream, and you just want to let it out and be as loud as you want until your ears are ringing and you can't see straight? And then just to be able to crumple up into a ball and cry your eyes out because your life is so screwed up, and you know you can never fix it, or have things the way you want them, even for a little while? So you just bawl your eyes out until you're hoarse and so tired. Or to punch something until your knuckles bleed?
Have you ever wanted someone you could beat up, who wouldn't get hurt, and who would just let you hit them until you were finished and then they'd hold you and hug you until you stopped crying, and they would protect you from ever having to feel that way again. I mean, I know God's there, and that he does all that, but I can't help but want someone tangible. Is that bad?
And sometimes I wish this whole thing with him (if you know, you know) had never happened, cuz it's too stressful, but I like it, and I feel so guilty about this whole thing (nothing sketchy went down, so don't get the wrong idea), but I don't know why and I can't help but think what if none of this had happened, would we both be better off? Everything was so much easier before, even if I liked him, I didn't NEED to tell him, to tell ANYBODY. And now it's just so hard and weird, but still worth it. I just feel like I betrayed someone close to me.
Me and my dad fight and argue, but then the next time we see each other, we just pretend nothing happened.
I'm so scared of everything falling apart, and I'm barely holding myself together, but I feel like I'm being torn into shreds and I don't know how much longer I'll last. I'm shutting down, because that's what I do when I'm stressed and I just wish someone would hit me so I could feel something again. Wow, talk about a load of venting.... sorry.
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