That Heartbreak Feeling

Just thought I'd share a poem I wrote in Spanish class. Leave comments please!!

Heartbeats earthquakes
Breathing shudder heartache
Clock ticks phone rings
Roll over creaking springs
Hollow answer bright reply
"It's not him," sighs inside
Dial tone phone down
Stop a sob hit the ground
Circle circle heartache
Reverberating earthquake
Rain falls thunder cries
All alone a heart dies

You know that feeling when you need someone so much, the phone rings, and it's not them. You come crashing back down to earth and the impact shatters you inside.

Stealing a meme again: Book meme.

Found this meme on Petula's blog. and I'm an addict with meme things, so I figured I'd post it.

The rules:
Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 56.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions.
Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book or the intellectual one: pick the
CLOSEST.
Tag five other people to do the same.

The book I grabbed was Feed by M.T. Anderson. I checked it out cuz of the awesome cover (yeah, yeah, I know "don't judge a book by it's cover" but does it count if it was only a first impression?) and I tore it apart today when I stayed home from school with a fever.

He just kept shaking his head and going, "Yeah," "Yeah," "Yeah," "Oh, yeah," "Yeah," "Shit," "Yeah."
Finally, he stood up. I could tell he was pissed. He held up his hands. He said, "They want to subpoena your memories.

Weirdly enough, that was a pretty important part of the book...

Anyway, I tag:
Aunty Joy

She's the only one I'm gonna bother tagging, cuz I'm not really connected with many other bloggers. But anyway, comment!! :^]

Friday Fill-Ins....a bit late...

Got this from Friday Fill-Ins.

1. October is the BEST month, cuz it's fall and it's still warm enough to go outside and ride bikes.
2. Balloons scare me!
3. Leaves are falling all around, it's the best time of the year!!!
4. My favorite horror movie is Disturbia because Shia LaBeouf is in it, therfore it rocks.
5. Youth group retreats and crazy games with Dino = good memories.
6. It was a dark and stormy night when I got locked out of my house.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm(was) looking forward to babysitting Brendan and sleeping over Miriam's house, tomorrow my plans include KING RICHARD'S FAIRE!!!! :^] and Sunday, I want to sing sing sing, but I can't.....

Sorry it's a bit late guys....

thrill-seeking squirrels, letting God lead, and a new blog format.

(First, I'm gonna explain this new format.I wanted to have a little background on my day before I start to write a post so you guys know a little bit where I'm coming from. Mostly, it's just gonna be a few things like....well, you'll see. New Format starts now.)

Listening to: Three Days Grace's self-titled album
Mood: Sarcastic, and I want to get things straightened out.
Wearing: The pajama pants mom made me and my sweatshirt.
Hair: Twisted back in a butterfly clip.
Color of socks: white

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, today I'm going to compare myself to a squirrel. Yeah, way to glorify yourself, Katy, right? But I've noticed something about those loud, annoying animals. While I was walking home from school today, I saw a squirrel run across the street. The thing about this squirrel was he didn't just run straight across like a normal animal. He ran into the middle of the left lane and stopped and just looked at the car driving towards him. Then he darted up to the yellow line, turned around, and ran back into the middle of the lane! Finally when the car was a few yards away, he darted the rest of the way across the street and up a tree.

Why do I compare myself to a squirrel? I'm loud, kinda nutty(lol, pun..sorry), love climbing trees, and love testing myself. Not so much testing myself a-la-chicken, and laying in the road as long as I can in front of a car before running away, but I love to see how far I can push myself and my comfort zone. I'll sing a song in church even though it scares me a little bit. I'll talk to "him" about what's really on my mind. I'll put myself out there for everyone to see who I really am. I'll look people in the eyes. I'll stand back up after falling down and laugh at myself. Things like that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've learned over the past few weeks that I really can't control what goes on in my life. There's some stuff I've been dealing with that's just way over my head. But I'm not going there tonight. Right now I'm gonna talk about relationships. Over the last month or so I've learned a lot that I didn't know about what God uses relationships for.

My youth leader recently had amutual break up with her boyfriend of six or seven months. And she decided to talk about it a little bit with us during Bible study Sunday morning. She said that even though they broke up, she thought that she made the right choice in God's eyes because she was better after that relationship. And I never thought of it that way. I always thought that exes were thought of as mistakes in your past that would keep coming up at the wrong time, even after you were happily married. And sure, I guess that can happen sometimes if it was a bad decision, but nobody's perfect.

Anyway, I want to get back to what Steph was saying. She said that if you were even a little bit better for the relationship, then it was a good decision. The way I used to look at relationships was like they were never supposed to end. That if two people stop being friends, that it's the worst possible thing that could happen, and even that it's a sin. Now I look at relationships like I think they're supposed to be. Some will last forever, others will end, and others will change from friendship to something more, and vice versa. If you're awesome friends with someone through grade school and high school, but then you drift apart, then it was meant to be and it was part of God's Plan. If not, I've learned the hard way that God will hit you with the truth like a surround sound rock concert bass solo until your heart is pounding in time with it and it's all you can hear.

Back to the grade school friend: If you drift apart, and it's supposed to happen, then you've got these awesome stories from grade school and high school that you can tell your firends or kids without looking at that person as they are now. Maybe the best time for you and them to be friends was grade school and high school. That's when they had the biggest and best impact on your life.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So there's my little insights on how I'm like a squirrel, and how God wants us to deal with relationships.

to start off: being a blog stalker.

found this meme on a blog that i'm watching: It's a woman's world! and i absolutely LOVE(!!!) meme's so i stole it, even though i didn't get nominated to do it. so bear with me.



As a recipient of this award, there are rules to follow: Answer the following questions with one word answers and one word only! Then pass it on to five others! The questions are as follows:

1. Where is your cell phone? Upstairs
2. Where is your significant other? um...
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Loud
5. Your father? Tired
6. Your favorite thing? Friends
7. Your dream last night? Driving
8. Your dream/goal? Diner
9. The room you’re in? Basement
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Solitude
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Maine
13. Where were you last night? CrossCulture
14. What you’re not? Tall
15. One of your wish-list items? MacBook
16. Where you grew up? Massachusetts
17. The last thing you did? Walk
18. What are you wearing? Turtleneck
19. Your TV? Massive
20. Your pet? Einstein
21. Your computer? Slow...
22. Your mood? Resigned
23. Missing someone? Yes.
24. Your car? None
25. Something you’re not wearing? Dagger
26. Favorite store? PacSun
27. Your summer? Awesome
28. Love someone? *shrug*
29. Your favorite color? Rainbow
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Friday

The five bloggers that I’m nominating:

1. Aunty Joy
2. John S. Allen
3. Aunty's friend Elsa whose blog I love.
4. Aunty's other friend Julie cuz her food blog is amazing!
5. and Maximum Ride! =D

Now, for you recipients of this award, here’s the deal:

* Display your award.
* Link back to the person who gave you the award.
* Nominate at least 5 other blogs.
* Put links to those blogs on yours.
* Leave a message on the blogs of the people you’ve nominated.
* Enjoy your award!

Friday Fill-Ins (oops)

From Friday Fill-Ins. Accidentally did the wrong week, but I don't want to delete the last one, so here's set number two!! :^]


1. Apple picking, fall smells, walks in the woods, the leaves changing, sweatshirts, tall socks, King Richard's Faire, campfires, s'mores, smiles, and the senior high retreat!! are some of the things I'm most looking forward to in October.

2. Sometimes I pretend to think like someone else so I can try and figure out what they're thinking, just by the expression on their face.

3. There are people in life who try and fail, and that's that, and then there are people who try and fail and try and fail and try and fail until they succeed... and that's why there is a saying, "never say never"!

4. When I'm down, I talk to my friends about it, listen to music, write poems, and go for walks or bike rides.

5. Wherever you need me is where you'll find me most often.

6. A rainy day is good for s'mores over the stove, running in the rain with your head back and your mouth wide open til you're soaked all the way through, and bundling up in the warmest sweats you can find, with two pairs of socks and a blanket tucked around you, sitting on the porch with your sister and listening to the rain fall down.

Friday Fill-Ins

From Friday Fill-Ins. Got this lovely idea from my blogging obsessed Auntie.

1. Oh, I can't wait until I have a license and a car so I can escape for a bit every now and then.

2. Soymilk, Abby and Bekah's lunches, leftovers, and nectarines are the first thing I see when I open my refrigerator and that's only the top shelf....

3. I never leave home without my cellphone, iPod, and whatever cash I have.

4. If I were a condiment, I would be chocolate sauce because I love ice cream and chocolate.

5. Snobbery and being fake is really high up on my list of pet peeves.

6. The last thing I thought of before I went to bed was a few of my friends who are going through a massively hard time right now.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to watching the new episode of True Blood on the DVR, eating ice cream, and taking my strep meds; tomorrow my plans include Mark's baptism, an english project on vikings, and lots of make-up work and sleep; and Sunday, I want to finally be able to hang out with my friends, be better, and sing at Cross Culture (hopefully Dave To will come this week)!

"Happiness Runs In A Circular Motion"

Does that mean I have to run in circles when I'm happy? I'm not exactly sure... But aside from Spaghetti-O's, i really think it's true. So here's my list of circular things just to prove that happiness really does run in a circular motion.

• Cheerios (I mean, who can get mad when they see Cheerios? Only a lunatic could see those cute little whole-grain, honey-covered circles of goodness and flip out.)
• Life Preservers (What drowning person doesn't get a sense of relief and joy when they see one of those hideous, brightly-colored plastic circles come flying over the side of a ship? Only a lunatic.)
• Life-Savers (As in the candy, very different from *above* in so many ways. First off, they taste a heck of a lot better than plastic-and I'm talking about the Life Preservers here, not Cheerios.)
• Irises (the eye-iris, not the flower. I'm personally a HUGE eye fan. If someone has good eyes, I just about die on spot. Especially guys! Hazel are cool, but I really like grey eyes.)
• Soccer Balls (Because who doesn't enjoy kicking something with all their might, right into the face of the opposing team? Or playing soccer in the mud and rain in the middle of a summer storm.)
• Apples and Oranges (Fruity goodness. What can I say?)

And last but not least!!!!

• Tires!!! (Because driving makes me happy and bike riding is awesome. So's tubing, but only when you have a tube.)
  

Wishlist!

Birthday's August 8th!!! 08-08-08 this year!!! I've got a few things on my wishlist, but they're pretty expensive and I feel bad about that, but they were all I could think of.

• Bella's Bracelet from Eclipse
• Twilight
• New Moon
• Eclipse
• iPod classic (30 gig or more)
• Lunch at the Cheesecake Factory
• Clothes--though it's cooler to go shopping than have someone hand me some clothes (Pac Sun, Wet Seal, Free People, Lucky Brand Jeans, Hot Topic, etc.)
• Dunkin Donuts Card! (I'm always up for my coffee fix)
• Dinner and a movie
• A promise to take me to Twilight when it comes out in theaters!!

That's all I can think of right now! :)

Trouble.

First off, I suck at keeping up with this blog. But lately there's just not been stuff to write about.... Well, actually there HAS been stuff to write about, just not time to write it. So I apologize, to anyone who reads my blog (those few and far between), because I am a faliure. (Failure*) See, I can't even spell fail right.

I'm going to try and explain a decision I made this past Crosswalk. The 12th of July I broke up with my boyfriend. He didn't do anything wrong. He was very sweet. And he tried so hard to understand why I said I had to, but I don't think he understood.

Rob had preached about sex and dating that...Thursday...I think. And what he said stuck with me. He said that he personally didn't believe in seriously dating someone until you think you're ready to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I had honestly never thought of it that way. I mean, I knew that dating is meant to help you find "The One," or whatever it is, I just had never thought of it as the only reason for seriously dating someone.

I heard stories from Quest kids who had gone to the Dominican, and from Emanuel the previous YEC that down there, a boyfriend is almost the same thing as a fiancé, just a baby step down from it. At the time I had just said to myself "well that's their culture, this is mine" and left it at that. But After Rob's sermon, it started to stick with me. Maybe having a boyfriend is like pretending that I'm looking for a husband when I am so OBVIOUSLY not ready. I have had two boyfriends total in my entire life. It's a pretty tiny number for me to be so worried about becoming "that girl" who just goes out with guys for a week and then breaks up with them.

The first guy was one of my best friends. He was cute, so I mistook my crush for something more and we started going out. We went out for a month and then he gave me my first kiss...and it was NOT what I was looking for. Have you ever had the creepy feeling of kissing your sibling? Well that's what it was like. I told him that I wanted to go back to being friends and he said, "Okay." and that was that. He just let me go. It took about a month and a half for us to be able to have a comfortable conversation again, but now we're fine. I broke up with him in early December and just this past weekend I invited him over for the first time since we broke up to hang out and watch TV with me and two other friends. There wasn't a trace of awkwardness at all and it was just how it was supposed to be.

The second guy I think was a sort of rebound boyfriend. Not from the first guy, just...something else complicated that I won't get into. He's a member of my youth group, like the first one, and he liked me. We started flirting because someone had told me that he liked me, and I again thought he was cute. Talk about repeating history. We flirted and flirted and then ended up going out. This relationship was a lot shorter. Two weeks. The day he asked me out was the day he said he loved me. And I know it wasn't love, it couldn't have happened that fast. But again I went along with it and it was great while it lasted. But there was still something in the way and I didn't know what it was.

Then I went to Crosswalk. And Thursday night I "figured out" that it was that I just didn't need to have a boyfriend. So I broke up with him and explained as best as I could that "this was what God wanted me to do", and I'm not sure if I lied or not. I might have been wanting it to be what God wanted me to do, but now I'm pretty sure it was just me hiding behind God so that I couldn't get in trouble.

The truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared of getting attached to someone. I'm scared that I'll fall in love with the wrong person and "miss my chance". I'm scared that I'll act too soon or too late and ruin any chance I have with the one right guy...

But I prayed (like mad, I might add) last night about it and asked God to just let me stop liking this guy if it could only hurt me. I told him to take away the butterflies when I see him and the crazy heart-racing feeling I get when I catch his eye. Today they were still there and I can't figure out if it's still me, holding on to this guy so hard, or if it's God, letting me know that he's not a bad thing for me. So right now I'm really confused, and I don't know what to do. Do I wait it out, do I do something, do I take a step back and avoid him? I don't know.

New Site!!! *wicked happy!!!*

Okay, so last week-ish i saw The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and it was AWESOME!!!!

I loved the movie and ESPECIALLY loved Ben Barnes!!

*droooool* haha but okay. His accent was even better!!! I so wish that was his real accent because then in his interviews, he'd ALWAYS sound like that!! But alas... he's British. But that accent is still kind of gorgeous, though not as much..

But about the new site. I was sitting in expos--again--bored and decided to play google gamble. Which is when you type in something random and click "I'm feeling lucky" instead of search and it takes you to a random site related to your search query.

So i typed in "narnia" and clicked "I'm feeling lucky" and it brought me to this AWESOME SITE!!!

I spent the entire double-period playing games on it until Ms. Lynch came over for the fourth time and told me to knock it off...

Anyway, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND checking out the site! Especially if you've seen the movie because it's just that good.

Twilight!

Pics from Twilight!!! Mostly I'm just really bored and I wanted to do something to show that I'm not completely putting Robert Pattinson on my must die "Hit List". But he's close. If he screws this up.... X-P *will be severely pissed off*


P.s. I guess pattinson is growing on me, but only because they fixed his hair... JACKSON RATHBOURNE BETTER BE NEXT!!! he looks like a model for volumizing shampoo..... :-/

110 Ways to Get Kicked Out Of Wal-Mart

This is what happens when I'm bored. I look up ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart. So here you go:

110 WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
   and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
   throughout the day.
4. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply 'moving them around')
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6).
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necessary).
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"
15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers’ items. If the cashier protests, kill them.
20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene.
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. Climb things.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs".
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them.
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
35. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.
36. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
37. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
38. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
39. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will.
41. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."
42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
43. Two words: Marco Polo.
44. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.
45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.
46. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
47. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as 'A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vaseline'.
48. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.
49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, it’s those voices again."
50. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
51. Put a bag of Skittles on layaway.
52. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
53. Toss a Nerf football over the aisles with a friend. See how many people you can hit.
54. Let all of those big bouncy balls out on the floor, and start kicking them around.
55. Put on a blue vest and show up as a self-appointed Wal-mart door greeter.
56. Yell from one of the dressing rooms that you're out of toilet paper.
57. Start turning on the TVs and get a pillow and lay on the floor and watch. Don't forget a blanket.
58. Get into a loud, Jerry Springer Show-type altercation with the couple behind you.
59. Stand in a crowded place with at least one employee and yell, "There's a sale at Marden's!"
60. Come with a toy ambulance rolling it down the aisle yelling "weeeewooooweeeeeewoooo" then knock someone over on purpose and say "Wait I'm going to save your life!"
61. See who can last longer in a paint-ball fight, bring a friend and RUN.
62. Hide in a cloths bin, and scream "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!!"
63. Take 24 boxes of condoms, and put them in peoples carts when their not looking.
64. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
65. Look right into a security camera, and pick your nose.
66. Drive remote control cars at unaware people.
67. Walk Up to Random People And Hug Them And Say "Grandma!I Thought You Were Dead!"
68. Walk up to someone (I prefer a guy) and ask them: "When is the baby is due?"
69. Grab random things off of shelves and in every aisle advertise it to the people walking by. if they don’t take it, get mad and throw the item at them, then run away.
70. Go to the candy section, unwrap all of the chocolate bars and say "I HAVE TO FIND THE GOLDEN TICKET!"
71. Walk up to a worker (Preferably a guy) with a box of tampons and ask: "Can you show me how to use these?"
72. Walk up to a guy with a girl and yell at them: "OH MY GOD! WHO IS THIS?! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" start to cry.
73. Get together a bunch of friends and dress up in prom dresses, tank tops, etc and host a fashion show in the middle of the store, yelling very loudly what each person is wearing.
74. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
75. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
76. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
77. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Buttons"
78. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
79. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
80. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
81. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
82. TP as much of the store as possible.
83. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
84. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
85. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying, "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
86. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
87. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
88. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
89. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
90. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
91. Play a game of indoor freeze tag.
92. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming!"
93. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes.
94. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices.
95. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane.
96. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle).
97. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
98. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight.
99. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
100. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section.
101. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
102. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
103. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick him in the balls and run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
104. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
105. Repeatedly say "The clowns are not eating me."
106. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
107. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
108. Randomly toss bras into peoples carts.
109. Set all the animals in the pet section out of their cages and leave the store quietly.
     
110. Clear the detergent aisle of all contents and place them in obscure places around the store.

Is it crazy?

Is it crazy that I'm jumping from liking one guy to liking the next one almost daily? Am I insane because I figured that I was meant to be a part of a family--to start a family--but I'm beginning to think that there isn't someone for me? Maybe I was meant to be alone... Well, not alone, meaning I'll still have friends and stuff, but to be single.

I used to be so sure that God had someone out there for everyone, and that they'd find you, no matter what. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I've just been fooling myself with a fairytale that I tried to squeeze out of the Bible, putting words and meanings into verses where there weren't any. It's possible that I'm meant to be a loner. I want to travel, but it's so much easier to do alone. I'm not being selfish, or maybe I am, I don't know. I just don't want to get it wrong, you know? I don't want to fight with the person I love, but it always happens.

I feel like I'm screwing it up every time something goes wrong. If there's the right person for you, shouldn't you mesh perfectly? If you're really meant for each other, is there really any reason to fight?

Lots of crap running through my head and I just wish it would stop.

Easter

This post has nothing to do with the real meaning of Easter, or the sacrifice that it represents, or how grateful I really am for it (because I am), and it's especially not about bunnies. The meaning of Easter just isn't what I want to write about today.

I'm not ungrateful. I'm not ignorant to how much it really means. It's just not on my mind right now. It was earlier, but now I'm preoccupied with something else...

Guys, guys, guys, dating, boys, and guys. I'm not obsessed, and I'm only feeling a little desperate right now.. Am I really that unappealing that no one will ask me out?? I know there's no way in the world that I look taken!! I'm totally single, but hating it.

Maybe it's just this week that's making me feel like this, but I don't know. I feel like all these guys are only ever going to be my friends. Nothing more.

Maybe I had a chance before and I screwed it up, maybe I'm just not that kind of girl.

Wallpaper. Stuck in the "friend-zone." Goofy Kate, one of the guys...

Is there any hope for me???

the easter dress with my rebel touches!!

*grin*

Boredd...

Last week I spent three out of five school days in bed asleep (which so totally messed up my sense of time, especially when i slept for twenty-four hours straight. i woke up thinking it was wednesday morning when it was really thursday afternoon) and then on the days I did go in, my teachers yelled at me and now i have four tests and quizzes to make up...

Someone hates me, I'm positive.

Soooo... I finally got mostly caught up as of today, and i only have two quizzes and a test to make up next week, so things are starting to look up.

Lindsay wants me to go hang out with her and Sam after work tomorrow, so I had to get all of my homework done today and I made a discovery... If I actually try to get it done I can get six hours of homework done in thirty minutes! Shhh... better keep this a secret from my parents because if they find out, I no longer have an excuse for why it's not done.

Actually, you know, I think today was just a one time thing. I was in the right mood if there can be one for doing homework... *shudder*

So anyway, Lindsay wants me to go hang out with her and Sam after work. Stupid work, I have to get up at seven, be there at 8:30 in the morning (practically DAWN) and then deal with the lunch rush of stupid mall people wanting to buy some "Chicken McNuggets" which I hate so much!! It's like "um, yeah... this is Chick-fil-a, not McDonalds. we have nuggets made of CHICKEN, like, the EDIBLE part." but anyway, so they're picking me up right after work and we're going out to eat... *no words...*
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New guy has entered my radar! Semi-radar anyway. Being the new girl and it's almost all the way through the year kinda puts me at the bottom of the "hot list". Lol.

Anyway, about new guy. He's blonde, blue eyes, my grade (that's a first huh???), loves coffee(french vanilla too!! <3), style="font-style: italic;">not. He's in three of my classes and sits next to me in two of them.

And the best part....

WE SWAPPED COFFEE'S IN FIRST PERIOD THIS MORNING!!! his was weak french vanilla and mine was homemade (ie, it sucked...) and KILLER STRONG, but just how I like it! (He made the most hilarious face when he drank it!! Haha, but that's what he gets for ignoring my warning.)

Expos...

Sitting in expository writing trying to keep my writer's block at bay.

The only way I know of to do that is to just keep writing, no matter how much it stinks. So bear with me--I have to get back into the rhythm of things.

Right now, the thing that's occupying the most of my brain is this Wednesday. My friends Devyn and Jill have decided that I am in need of some serious dolling. I'm talking makeup, hair, wardrobe, nails, tips on flirting (ahaha, no thanks...). The works.

The thing that scares me the most is how low my self-esteem is, and how much worse makeup makes it. I don't care what people say. Makeup may cover your face, but it makes me feel naked. I guess it's because it draws attention to me if I look good, and it freaks me out when people look at me and think "attractive" (hence the very large gray sweatshirt all the time).

If I think about it, I guess it makes a lot of sense. If people are too busy looking at the outside, then they won't see the inside and who you can really be. So I don't really bother with the outside and focus mostly on the inside. I mean, yeah, I make myself look decent, but I don't really care about what people who know me see, because if they think I'm ugly, then they don't really know me. It's simple. And I don't mean to sound conceited and full of myself, because even though I'm working on who I am, instead of what I am, I still have a lot of work to do.

That's one of the reasons I don't like makeup. It doesn't make you beautiful, it just covers up what isn't.

I want to learn to embrace my faults and accept them...so I can change them. But my physical imperfections don't really bother me. What really bothers me is the fact that when I'm upset, I put on a mask and don't let anyone in. So I can be so upset, but smiling like everything's great.

Valentine's Day Blues

what's the worst possible thing that can happen to a person on valentine's day?

being the only single person in your entire grade.

okay, so maybe it's not the worst possible thing. i mean, you could get hit by a bus or run over by a couple who were paying too much attention to each other and not enough attention to the lonely person in the crosswalk in front of them. or you could find out that your boyfriend was dumping you for an airhead with big.... eyes. or maybe you could even find out that you had a deadly disease that could be passed through physical contact, and you'd never be able to hug the person you love ever again... but those are all extremely unlikely.....

being the only single person in your very wide group of friends is not.

and what's even more depressing is when the only valentine's day gift you get is from your parents. a chocolate rose.

boy did i need chocolate....

so to me, at this point in my life, valentine's day is depressing.

I'm now a veteran of many things....

First off, as promised, I'll tell you about my midterms. They were a piece of cake!! The only one that I struggled with (and probably failed....) was biology. But what computer techie-slash-author needs to know about the structure of a molecule to that DEPTH??!

My advice for anybody struggling through their midterms: Don't stress, take it slow, and if you payed attention most of the time, you'll do fine!! *ahem ahem, you know who you are :P*

On this past Tuesday I learned to snowboard. It was a crazy idea to start with; I already knew how to ski, so why shouldn't I just stick with what I'm good at? But I decided to get a lesson. So it's one thirty and really nice out. I walk over to where the lesson's starting (more like crawl and drag my board-quite ungracefully...) and my boarding teacher is drop...dead...GORGEOUS!! I mean the works: bright blue eyes, floppy blond hair, crooked smile and a tan that a guy covered in snowclothes all day shouldn't have.

It's not like I was falling in love with him or anything, but I tend to get embarassed easily when a cute guy watches me make a fool of myself.

So we went to the hill. I learned how to strap in, all about the different parts of the snowboard, and how to stop. That's about it... So he says "Now, point the front of the board down the mountain and stop on your heel edge." I fell on my face....

The rest of the day went about the same, except alternating between my butt, face and for an added twist, my HEAD...

Haha....and then I was stupid enough to actually try to go down the mountain..... I'll leave that picture to your imagination.

Sitting in a epsom salt bath that's so hot I'm getting blisters!!! :D post later!

Confessions of a Freshman "Midtermer"

Midterm Time is killing me!! Or at least it WAS. Haha. Sunday and Monday I killed myself studying until I couldn't speak coherent english. (Literally... it was kinda pathetic) and then I didn't even study yesterday and I do wicked well on them today!!! I'm gonna study for my biology exam tonight, but the best way to prepare for midterms is to NOT freak out.

Especially for me, since when I freak out, I shut down and can't do ANYTHING, nevermind geometry or writing!!

PS: I'll have a sequel to this post called "Confessions of a Freshman Midterm Veteran" because currently, I am in the dead (excuse my pun) middle of the war against failurizing my freshman year. If I'm missing body parts any time in the near future, I had to auction them off to buy a better grade on whichever one of these I don't do well on!!!!